RIP

Have you ever thought of what you wanted when you die? I mean, how your remains will be handled and sorts? Creepy for some but I thought about it myself and yes I have actually written the process on my old (dead) mobile. 

Anyway, while I thought about what are the steps to be done in my dead body I also thought what's going to happen after I die. And what to expect next.

Good things are (mostly) cheap (if not free)!

I thought I would share to you what I found last night on the web. It made me happy to realize I (almost) have all the stuff listed. How amazing and simple it can be to remind ourselves that good things are (mostly) cheap (if not free)! 

The Stranger

Last night I write poem. And I thought I would not post it publicly but I changed my mind... so, here it goes!

"I fell in love with a stranger.

Every day I knew it grows wilder.

And today, among those other days; is not just an ordinary day. 

But a revelation of what I have chosen. 

Not all has seen aside from his mother. 

The real heart of a man who they thought was made of steel. 

Those eyes that may hide or tell the truth. 

The lips that speaks the good.

Indeed I am learning, I am seeing, I am feeling.

That the stranger I fell in love with.

Is the man I was born to be with.

May The Creator seal our Love.

That in the end we will say our Vows.

The Vow that our love is eternal."

The Dress

I recently I have been viewing Pinterest and other sites that shows beautiful white long dresses. Yeah! It gets a little hard on my eyes looking at those flowing princess like dresses. And yes, it is tempting. Let's agree on this; when you are a future bride you would actually Google "Wedding Dress" and stay on that page for about an hour or so. You may repeatedly do this every day in a week or so until you are tired or satisfied of what you have seen; in my case "every-other-day". Yep! Until now. I do look and check and say "WOW!" to the dresses that I found captivating.

REWIND

Let me take you back to the time when I was first asked what "dress" I would like to wear on my wedding day. I was 13 years old then. Boyish. Doesn't care at all in what I wear and doesn't even bother if I actually looked like a girl or a boy.

I dismiss the question and simply said "Well, I don't know. Do I have to wear a dress?" Yep! You may now judge me; I am a certified Tomboy in our little neighborhood.

So my sweet little girlfriend explains to me that every girl has their own dream wedding dress and that every girl has to have one. She even questioned me if I have ever drawn a design of the dress I wanted to wear on my wedding day. And when I said "no" she raised her brows and reached for her little back pack, take out a notebook and there it is her own drafts of "The Dress". I look at it intently. The dress look elaborately designed; a professional rookie. I must say that this girlfriend of mine has talent. She's 12, mind you.

We flipped and look at the drawings while she explains what those and what it is supposed to be. I am 13, I do not understand it. I cannot understand why we have to bother. I wore an "Ignorant" sash that day. 

FAST FORWARD

Now, I get the sense of what my girlfriend was trying to explain to me 17 years ago. I actually thought she was so damn right with everything she explained to me; her drawings, that little purple-crayoned-colored-off-shoulder-dress that she has on her notebook, her twinkling eyes; full of excitement while trying to explain to me the details of the dress she would want to wear, her cheeks that blushed every time she would look over her shoulder to check if her boyfriend (then, now a husband) is nearby watching us. She was just the perfect example of an excited bride-to-be. She seems to know what she wanted. To be married. She knows what to wear. She even draws a design of her wedding dress. All decided when she was 12 years old!

As for me, I ordered one dress online and waiting for it to arrive. And nope, I have no drawing of "The Dress!"

An E-mail Worthy of Sharing

Hi Maryam,

Eric Charles here and today I want to talk

to you about how the quality of your

relationship is determined before you

even open your eyes each day...

 

(And 10 personal secrets I learned to live

a stress-free life and have better

relationships with everyone...)

 

STRESS (and how you relate to your

own emotions) is by far the biggest

factor in whether your relationships

will succeed or fail.

 

Although it's been said... many times...

many ways...

 

You can't find love in the world until

you can find it within yourself.

 

Your relationships with others is only

as good as your relationship with

yourself.

 

We can only give love freely when

there's enough within ourselves to

give away.

 

OK - we get it!

 

But what's the opposite of love within

ourselves then?  What blocks this

"love" within ourselves that would and

should flow out into our relationships?

 

I would call it "stress" in general, but

here are some common expressions

of it:

 

- fear, worry, insecurity, doubt

- anger, bitterness, cynicism, sarcasm

- jealousy, criticizing, insulting, hatred

- resentment, holding grudges

- feeling unloved, unappreciated, unnoticed

 

And on and on.

 

But rather than list more expressions of

stress and how it blocks your potential

for love, let me give you a couple of

examples of why you can't have love

in your life when you're stressed.

 

Think about the times that you've

snapped at a loved one or treated

someone you knew poorly.

 

I can guarantee that there was always

some form of stress present within you

at that time.

 

Stress puts us into a primitive state of

panic.  In fact, a neuro-scientist

once explained how when we enter a

stress-state, our brain actually down-

grades into a mode where we lose

access to the most-evolved, creative,

rational parts of our brain (the neo-

cortex).

 

In other words, there is physiological

proof that if you want to make the

best decisions, you need to make sure

you're not stressed.  Being stress-free

in a relationship leads to a good

relationship.

 

Sometimes people want to sell the idea

of being "stress-free" as walking around

in some transcendent state of zen, or

like some kind of bliss-filled grinning

idiot.

 

No stress is actually much simpler and

less glamorous than that.

 

No stress just means that you feel "fine"

and "OK".

 

Now, if you're used to feeling constant

stress, that can seem like a God-sent.

 

But I just want to make clear that

no stress is just a state where you know

there's no "problem".

 

And that's one of the major

understandings about getting rid of stress

so that we can have the best relationships

possible:  We need to find our way of

looking at life where we realize that

"there's no problem".

 

Yes, there are things to handle.  Yes,

there are things we need to respond to

in the moment.

 

But there is a world of difference

between handling something and

stressing about it.

 

Stress is a greedy, poisonous and

highly contagious state.

 

Greedy because it fights to make

itself the center of your attention,

above all other people and

obligations.

 

Poisonous because it often makes

you withdraw (avoid people), fight

(repel people) or rebel (act like the

opposite of what that emotion is

making you feel).  All of these are

destructive to your relationships.

 

Highly contagious because when

you handle your stress poorly and

lash out (either subtly or explicitly)

at the people you're close to, you

end up causing them stress that

they then need to handle.

 

So now I give you a short, personal

list of how I keep my stress low so

that I enjoy my life and have great

relationships:

 

1.  I take stress very seriously.  I do

not allow it to exist within me for long.

 

2.  I am honest with myself about

my stress level before talking with

someone.  I know myself - if I'm

feeling stressed, it's a guarantee that

I will lash out at someone by

accident.  I do my best to handle my

stress before interacting with someone

else.

 

3.  I am extremely clear about who

and what in my life causes me

stress.  When it comes to people, I

make an effort to eliminate people

who cause me stress from my life.

If I can't eliminate them, I limit my

exposure to them to the bare

minimum.

 

4.  I recognize that stress

boomerangs.  In relationships, when

I lash out at someone because of stress,

they will resent it and inevitably lash

back at me at some point in the future.

I do my best to avoid creating that

problem for myself.

 

5.  Bad jobs are poison.  When I

worked for bosses that hated me and

a company I didn't like in general,

I was incredibly stressed.  There

are few things more stressful than

being forced to be in a place you

hate with people you hate doing

work you hate for 40 hours a week.

I got the hell out of there and it was

the best decision of my life!

 

6.  I recognize that we live in a

stress-inducing world and we must

fight stress actively.  Part of what

makes advertising work is that it

causes its target audience stress.

 

The stress it causes is subtle and

insidious, but it is there.  It might

be insecurity, jealousy, mild anger,

craving or any other emotion on the

spectrum, but the driving force in

marketing is to emotionally compel

you to BUY.

 

And as long as there are advertisers

out there and companies selling

product, media will find more and

more ways to advertise to you

(which means stress).

 

We must accept that "stress sells"

and do what we can to limit our

exposure to it as well as counteract

stress.  Which brings us to...

 

7.  I live a stress-reducing lifestyle.

I choose to live in the area that makes

me happiest - on the beach.  I choose

to exercise 5-6 times a week for the

mood-boosting, stress-reducing effects.

I choose to eat a very healthy diet to

minimize the stress on my body and

maximize a healthy, happy state.

 

And...

 

8.  I REFUSE to do things in my

life that will cause me stress.

Sometimes someone will come to me

and ask me for something in a wild,

agitated state.

 

It might be a close friend, family member,

etc.  My initial reaction might be to feel

stress, but then I quickly remind myself

that if I'm going to do something, it is

NOT going to be out of stress.

 

I do not take on anything until I have

found the "path" to do that thing in

a way that it will get done, but I won't be

stressed about it.

 

Lesson:  There is ALWAYS a way to do

what you have to do without stress being

present.

 

9.  I am compassionate towards people

who are acting out of stress.

 

It is easy to react to someone else lashing

out at me with wanting to lash back at them.

 

If I'm not in a great mood to begin with, I

might slip and react poorly.

 

But I strive to remember that often times

these are people who love me and who

share my best interests - they are just

struggling with their own stress.

 

When I remember that, it helps me treat

them with forgiveness and compassion,

which in many cases calms them down

and resolves the issue before it starts.

 

10.  I live MY idea of my happiest life,

not somebody else's.

 

When I was younger, I was pre-occupied

with being who I thought everyone

wanted me to be.

 

I would chase ideals that I thought were

what I was "supposed" to care about and

downplay the things I personally liked.

 

I would try to be the image of what I

thought everyone wanted me to be

instead of just being who I enjoyed

being.

 

I hung out in places that I didn't enjoy

(I had to admit to myself that I hate

clubs, for example) and I was friends

with people who I didn't respect or like

for really any reason.

 

Hell, I even took a job that I didn't

want to take after months of nagging

from my girlfriend at the time.  (In

retrospect, I wish I dumped the job

and the girlfriend!)

 

And the result of my incessant

desire to please the crowd?  I lived

an empty, stress-filled life that I

absolutely hated.

 

These days I love my life.  I make

no effort to hide my dorky preferences,

my odd and quirky sense of humor, my

interests or anything else about myself

that I don't feel fits the "norm".

 

(To do this, I really had to realize that

I didn't care at all about the people who

didn't like or understand me.  Frankly,

the only people who I care about are

those who like me as I am... everyone

else is not important to me.)

 

The result?  I love my life and my

relationships are tremendously better

with the people I love the most.

 

Hope that's helpful to you,

 

Eric Charles

Girl Scout Style

I am never good in the kitchen.

I know how to make my own food based on “instant”, anything instant.

A friend of mine thought me one day of a recipe and it clicked.

Did it once and yep… seems like it’s a good try.

The secret?

Cook it Girl Scout Style.

Well, I shared a love with a normal pork-eating-people when I was younger. I love Lechon Paksiw.

Now that I am converted and it is Haram for me to eat such I thought I have to find a way how to make it without violating anything. I mean without the Haram meat.

And then I had Erwin (a former Boy Scout of the Philippines) thought me how to make a descent Lechon Paksiw.

Turns out to be basic but instead of Pork I used CHICKEN. Everything else is the same; the ingredients as well as the way you cook it but because we are talking about cooking it Girl Scout Style; I do shortcuts. Which of course I made sure won’t be harming the essence of the original Lechon Paksiw.

If one day I get to cook it again I will make sure I will share it here. Even though I doubt that most of you were already an excellent cook.

I need a BROTHER!

I have found something that will surely surprise those who knew me for quite sometime now. I am even surprise of this discovery but the thought of it made me wake up every morning smiling and excited. Now I am in the hunt of getting the first and the most important part of my discovery which I called the "Little Project".

Decided that this blog will be the page for the progress of my "Little Project".

What I already did?
- Made the list.

- On self training.
- Spoke to experienced people.

What I still have to do?
- Purchase what is on the "list".
- Practice what I "trained".
- Get "connected to people who do the same".

I am very scared but excited.