Let's Elaborate

I got these three liner phrase get stocked in my head and keep replaying over and over. And today I just cannot take it anymore and I feel the need of letting it out. So, let us elaborate more what my mind says about these lines.

Knowing when to walk away is Wisdom. ~Have you ever been wise enough to walk away from something or someone? Say, you really love that person and you think you guys clicked. And then something happened and suddenly you need to make a decision. Stay and be miserable. Or walk away and be happy? Now, you have to love and respect yourself as much to be able to know exactly what your worth is and what you deserve. And if you do, no one can fool you. You will not accept anything less than what your worth is. You walk away the moment when that less-you-deserve is being enforced on you. That is wisdom. You choose. You make decision.

Being able to is Courage. ~And Yes! It is quite difficult to balance out. It takes guts to cut the shit out of that re-enforced-less-deserved thing. You may cry. Break down. Literally be devastated. But the good news is; you have already made a choice. Now, collect all the guts you have and... Do It!

Walking away with your head held high is Dignity. ~You just made one of the many important decisions in your life. Do not look back. Just because you love and respect yourself and you know exactly your worth. Remember that you chose this and that you are doing it for you. Your future self will thank you for this moment.

Ok, I think now I will be able to rest. I mean my mind is now going to SHUT-UP. I have written exactly my thoughts and it is enough. It'll be quiet for awhile now, I guess. 

Thanks for reading people. Happy Manic Monday!

WALK AWAY!

So I have been sharing to you some sort of turmoil in my love story. Well, do not worry anymore. I have decided that we will be away from that topic soon enough that you do not have to be distress. 

I have done a major decision last night and I thought it was worth it.

If you still clearly remember; those who are on my Facebook Page I have posted the same picture with a caption “Mind Blown” for a simple reason that it made me crazy thinking about what it to be “revealed” was.

Well, dear people who reads this blog; it was Libra’s decision mainly that has been revealed. I am not supposed to be writing this until I get to be done with being emotional. But, I kept looking at that part of me where emotion usually resides but no luck. No tears shed. No nothing. Just a plain SIGH and a thought of “Oh Wow! That was it? It didn’t hurt much as I have expected. What’s up with you girl?” 

Believe me, I wasn't always like this. It took some time, and a lot of inner work, but eventually I did learn to love myself for exactly who I was. When that happened, I could finally see that failed relationship for what it really was and I no longer felt any pain or any longing. I had come to a magical place where the only question I had left was: "What the heck was I thinking?" And could scold myself and say "Hello Maturity!"

Today, while reflecting on what I have decided and what it is going to be I remember reading something that goes like this “As long as you're self-sufficient and don't allow yourself to buy into the lie that a relationship can give you something you can't give yourself, you'll be fine. Fulfilled, whole, self-sufficient women never have to worry about being devastated because they would never accept unacceptable treatment. They do not need to be unpleasant about it either.  They are not intimidating, accusatory or argumentative - they simply realize that they have choice and don't NEED a relationship, they just want one.” ~Eric Charles

To keep this blog short I would like to close this topic and remind my readers’ men and women: 

"Be whole enough to be alone.  Be graceful enough to smile. Be strong enough that when you need it, you could WALK AWAY!" ~Maryoom

You can't marry a man you just met

I cannot get over of what Elsa said. I kept thinking about it. Over and over again. Many nights for several weeks now. And days, for over a month now. But, if no one (even the Princesses) is supposed to marry the man they just met, will we ever have a... "Happy Ever After"?

A love like Odysseus and Penelope

Twenty Years of agony.  

Twenty Years of enduring pain.

What else could we add to the list of unfathomable LOVE that Odysseus and Penelope has?

While we may all agree that Odysseus and Penelope is just a character in one of the greatest Greek Mythology. We may also agree that whoever reads it will ask themselves "Can I be able to endure what Odysseus and Penelope endure?"

I will honestly say "I cannot!" 

I cannot explain how and why I will not be able to endure. What I can say is that the present situation and the present existence and value of love in the world where I am living in right now is just too weak to endure such. I am sorry but I have to say that mostly if not all of what I have known and experienced is just for "temporary." 

Else, the person in charge of his/her love story is made to have a heart of stone; it may be shaken but will never cry nor bleed. The one that "never give-up." 

Unfortunately, this era doesn't have that anymore. Everything now is "disposable". You may change when "it" is  not going as you planned it. You may "replace" if its dis-functional. 

I remember hearing my mother once told me when I commented on her and father's dispute with a cold advise of "separation". She said, "It is not like that. It doesn't work like that. We cannot leave each other just like that. We have you and your siblings. We love each other... not as much but we love each other." 

If there is a kind of what my mother & father; Odysseus & Penelope has, please do direct me to that path to see, touch and feel how it is like. Because believe me... "I would also like to have an eternal affair."

I wrote a letter and never send it

I was cleaning my laptop awhile ago; trying to delete some photos and some unnecessary saved items and I found something that made me smile. It's a letter I wrote on 19th January 2014, Sunday. I was not able to send it to the intended recipient for some reason. It just get's crazy and busy after 17th January 2014 and I get this letter pending. So, here I am sending it. 

Sunday, 19^th January 2014

Dubai, United Arab Emirates

Subject: Good News!!!

Hello All,

I have something to tell you that I know will surely (at least) make your day. Or inspire you in a way or another.

I am getting married soon.

All the preparation is on its way and soon enough I will be a MRS.

Alas! I have found somebody who will be able to (hopefully) tolerate me and my not so lovable me.

We talked about our future (together with Ian) and our unborn children. We talked about our retirement and how it is going to be “sitting in a porch watching our little grandchildren run around the garden”. We talked about so many things that I have never-ever have spoken with anyone in my entire 30 years of existence. We are smitten.

Where ever he may be from. He was surely a "surprise gift". And I am pleased about that. There is no other way I could have experienced this love without your encouragement and support. That when those days I mourn and those times I say bitterly "Nah! Love Story is bullshit!" you were there to remind me that there is hope and there is no need to despair. That sooner or later I would experience it myself and would be glad I doubt it. Because then I will not be able to savor the sweet scent and feeling of being on that state.

I shall admit that Yes! It feels good to be loved when the only thing you wanted is to make the other person happy. So, here I am reporting to you that I am SO DEEPLY IN-LOVE! What a great feeling. So motivating that one day I thought I could just live by it; and there is no need to eat and drink. Helpful for the diet program; that I always find myself cheating on every time I start (I thought).

I might be dreaming. But if this is just a dream “DO NOT FUCKING DISTURB” me. Haha! 

Sincerely yours,

Maryoom 

I fear... Tying The Knot!

So, I have been overly thinking about the marriage thing that is set to be done in June but due to some unforeseen circumstances we needed to do it in three weeks. Yes! You read that right. In three weeks. And nope. I am neither pregnant nor dying. 

I am happy. Very happy. Excited. Very much. Nervous. Yes! Very nervous to the point that I would cry some nights and days thinking while asking myself "Are you really gonna do this? You sure missy?" 

I have sleepless nights since we confirmed that we will be doing the court thing on or before 15th of March.

And then, I read something that caught my attention. This time it directs towards my fears... Tying The Knot!

"When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny." ~Paulo Coelho (The Devil and Miss Prym)

So you see, there it is loud and clear. "No waiting! No looking back! Decide! Be Firm. Just say Yes! Or No."

I always wanted to do "so" many things but I am "scared"...

I've been contemplating lately about the revelations in my 30th year. Good things yeah! There are so many good things going on (ALHAMDULILLAH!) but there are few bad stuff and I couldn't help but ask my self "Why is this still happening?" Thankfully, I am not anymore the type that goes bashing myself. I seem to take it easy and calm. Bad or Good. I do not know if that is what you call maturity but I take it one at a time making sure that I would never Bitch-talk myself. One night; I came across a song by Idina Menzel that hook me up to a thought "That's it! Yeah! Why not!" Below is the lyrics...

"Defying Gravity"

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you won't bring me down

I'm through accepting limits
'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you won't bring me down

Unlimited (Unlimited)
My future is unlimited (unlimited)
And I've just had a vision
Almost like a prophecy
I know - it sounds truly crazy
And true, the vision's hazy
But I swear, someday I'll be...

Flying so high! (Defying gravity)
Kiss me goodbye! (Defying gravity)

So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:
"Everyone deserves the chance to fly!"

I'm defying gravity!
And you won't bring me down!
Bring me down!
Bring me down! 

 

Click here for the full Song