The World Wide Web and its Purpose

I have been anxious about a decision that has gotten me into crying last night. Tell you the truth I am very much happy and excited but a part of me is a lot more of scared. I fall asleep wondering what would make me feel more comfortable doing "it" aside from my Fiancés’ convincing words "I am here for you!" and my MIL's sweet messages; "Whatever makes you happy I will be happy to support you; just do it and enjoy!"

When I wake-up today I look at myself and talk a little. I said "You can do this! You always get through. Do not be scared. Remember that what you feel now will fade away and what will be left is something that you will cherish for a long period of time... Do it!"

At work I came across an article that solidified my decision. 

You may read it HERE.

The questions are impeccable and just what I was looking for.

I am just glad I get to read the article and said YES to all of it. Unbelievable how the World Wide Web could help you -- from cooking to making decisions; if you know what I mean.

in Honor of MARCH and WOMEN in the WORLD...

Back in 1997, an article appeared in Glamour magazine featuring a list of everything a woman should HAVE and KNOW by the time she's 30. The article struck such a chord with women everywhere that it morphed into a poem that went viral online (and somehow became attributed to Maya Angelou!).

Whether you've already read it or not and whether you're 16 or 60, here it is again (in poem form) to start your day with a smile!

A Woman Should Have
by Pamela Redmond Satran

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... one old boyfriend she can imagine going back to and one who reminds her of how far she's come...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .... a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to fall in love without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to quit her job, break up with a lover and confront a friend without ruining the friendship....

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... when to try harder... and when to walk away...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... what she would and wouldn't do for money or love...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... where to go...be it to her best friend's kitchen table...or a charming inn in the woods...when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... what she can and can't accomplish in a day...a month...and a year...

~excerpt via the world wide web
~original unknown 

When I go MIA | A Realization

Well, I get a little distracted for a while but managing to come back to normal. I have done some important "stuff" while MIA. I got it done. All good. I am happy and proud.

Today I was looking up at my old notes and came across something that brings back a lot of memory. All good and happy memories. Things like I learned and been through. These next phrases are the exact lines been told by a very good friend of mine.

Like McDonalds, getting it your way hurts less than not getting it your way and being frustrated. -Clay Welker 

Clay was right. I wanted something. I want it served the way I want it. I liked it. Was very happy of how it looks like in the outside. Though, at some point I did not like the way it is on the inside. I get a little frustrated. A little mad. Get a little insane. And puke it out. But then, I stopped and think about all of it. Nobody's fault there. I was expecting too much. And it made sense that when the order is not served as per my expectations; I get disappointed. And disappointment is frustrating. So I stopped ordering or asking for it. I did it my way! I am happier now. I do as per what is making me feel content out of something.

Life is not a marathon although it feels that way, it is a sprint. -Clay Welker

Sometimes, like what Clay has said, I feel like I was chasing too much of my future. It is exhausting. While MIA I get the chance to think through things. Think through what has been, is going on and will be. I wanted to evaluate myself. I needed a change. I have to change something. I've been chasing my future that I forget I have to live a life of "right now". I almost snap out of the "present". Now, what I do is live. By the seconds. One day at a time. It feels less stressful. I am calmer. I am happier.

Going back to those notes; I confirmed that I have learned so much from that one guy who told me once "If you own it you will never give it away."

Yes! This is my life. I own it. Nobody is allowed to take it from me. Until the day that my Creator takes it back. Till then, I am in control... the way I want it!

I thought I'm gonna die but I didn't...

I had the worst of Asthma Attack last night. I started to believe that during that moment I am going to die. But I did not. I am glad I did not and I am now writing this.

My Asthma History:

I was born with asthma, an inheritance my parents gave me. I do not blame them. It is in our genes.

I grew up normal. I could run, play and do normal things.

My asthma doesn't occur that much. It stopped when I was 6 years old.

When I turn 16 I learned to smoke. I have been clean now for over 4 years. I just stopped and it’s good for me.

But after I stopped, I noticed that I get more asthma attacks. I came to Dubai 2006 and it then starts to come by. Once a week. Once or twice a month. And sometimes every day. Depending on the weather and my health. Though I am normally healthy I get to have attacks. Mild and sometimes wild.

Recently, I have checked with the doctor and everything went well. I have no exclusion of what I can do. I am healthy. But I have asthma that could be triggered by an Allergy or Emotional Stress.

I have been thinking a lot lately. Count it again; been few weeks, I just remember. I have been stressed out. Particularly a kind of emotional. Not the crying type. More of a suppressed emotional. But, it is still emotion.

This must be the reason why I got a terrible asthma attack last night. It felt like there is something so heavy on my chest. I could not breathe. I tried so hard. I could not get air like normal and I felt a terrible need to puke. I almost passed out in the toilet when I couldn't stop throwing-up. I get dehydrated. I felt really weak.

I am lucky I got roommates with me that night that drove me to get my medicine from the nearest pharmacy; hospital is just an option.

I took 3 puff of Ventolin; in a matter of few seconds I started to calm down. The block on my chest that is causing me to breathe in difficulty is now slowly going away. But I am feeling terribly dizzy, weak and sleepy. 

I slept immediately when we arrived home. Wake-up the next morning with headache. I have no appetite for breakfast. I feel too tired. But Alhamdulillah! I have no more Asthma. It stopped. Alhamdulillah!

In life, you don't receive what you want, you receive what you need...

Years ago, I asked God to give me a spouse. “You don’t own because you didn’t ask” God said.

Not only I asked for a spouse but also explained what kind of spouse I wanted. I want a nice, tender, forgiving, passionate, honest, peaceful, generous, understanding, pleasant, warm, intelligent, humorous, attentive, compassionate and truthful. I even mentioned the physical characteristics I dreamt about.

As time went by I added the required list of my wanted spouse. One night, in my prayer, God talked to my heart: “My servant, I cannot give you what you want.”

I asked, “Why God?” and God said “Because I am God and I am fair. God is the truth and all I do are true and right.”

I asked “God, I don’t understand why I cannot have what I ask from you?”

God answered, “I will explain. It is not fair and right for Me to fulfill your demand because I cannot give something that is not your own self.

It is not fair to give someone who is full of love to you if sometimes you are still hostile, or to give you someone generous but sometimes you can be cruel, or someone forgiving; however, you still hide revenge, someone sensitive; however, you are very insensitive….”

He then said to me: “It is better for Me to give you someone who I know could grow to have all qualities you are searching rather than to make you waste your time to find someone who already have the qualities you want.

Your spouse would be bone from your bone and flesh from your flesh and you will see yourself in her and both of you will be one. Marriage is like a school. It is a life-long span education. It is where you and your partner make adjustment and aim not merely to please each other, but to be better human beings and to make a solid teamwork.

I do not give you a perfect partner, because you are not perfect either. I give you a partner with whom you would grow together”

Author Unknown

To read the original article click HERE

A Soul Mate

I grew up reading paperback borrowed from my cousins and aunts. Mostly romance. It tickles my imagination. In one way or another it made me wonder how it'll be like. How it’s like to be a full grown woman. Most especially it made me think how it is like to be in-love and be loved.

It gives me a lot to hope for when I turn 30. Things like; I'd be fully independent working woman. That knows what she wants and when to get it. Most of what I have learned from reading paperback is positive. It also gives me hope that one day. If that one day is going to wait for me I will eventually meet My Soul Mate.

I turned 30 on October 2013. And I learned that...

.... "People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. A soul mate's purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so out of control that you have to transform your life..." -Elizabeth Gilbert

Something that I will treasure. 

Yes I met My Soul Mate and I am grateful I did. Or else I wouldn't be able to fully understand what the importance of Love is; it gives me the chance to be ME.

Remember – this is NOT a dress rehearsal, this is IT! | The Law Of Attraction

This isn't a practice run, this is it, right now you are living your precious life.

What are YOU doing with it?

Are you living to the full; enjoying every moment, making the most of each opportunity, appreciating the wonder and beauty?

So many of us are guilty of not making the very most of what is in front of us NOW; doubts and fears obstruct us and negative thinking can become a bad habit.

Imagine that you have four weeks left to live.

What would you do?

Are there things you would want to say?

How would you want to spend what is left of your precious time?

Don’t wait. Appreciate it all NOW.

If Superman is fictional, Super-friend is not!

I WhatsApp a friend of mine and said "Ahmed, could you do me a favor? Would you please make me cry? Just listen and don't fucking calm me down. I just want to cry and I need someone to listen. Would you?" 

I didn’t even blink and my mobile phone rings. On the other line is Ahmed “Hello, Maria, what’s up?! You ok?” Full of worries for his half-crazy friend he’d known since the year 2000. I said “Ahmed, I need to cry. Help me!” 

I wanted to end the suppressed feelings. I need to let it out. I need to get over it. I am worried if I do not let it out I might get crazy. So I decided I have to cry it out. And I need somebody help me do that. And I have a perfect candidate. Ahmed, Oh Ahmed! I feel bad for this soul. But I am grateful I have this one person who could bare my not-very-cute way of crying. 

The crying took few minutes. 

On the process he asked me “What is making you cry?” “What is wrong?” “Please calm down.” “I am here I will listen, talk to me and stop crying.” “Maria, please don’t be like this, nothing and nobody deserves your tears!” “Come on, please stop!” He tried his best to calm me down. I disregard. I cry. I am crying loud. I am crying like a little kid. Ah! It was one hell of a good cry. The one I am dying to have.

And then I stopped and said “Ok, I am feeling better now. Whew! Thank you.” As if I just asked him to lift or reach something for me. He answered “Welcome! Your sob breaks my heart. I do not like to see or hear you cry. I am glad you feel better. Are you sure you feel better or you need more?” See, he thinks I need more. Damn it! But it was enough for me. I cried and that is enough. 

You know sometimes you do not need a shoulder to cry on. You need someone who lets you cry and help you get over it so you could feel good afterwards. And yes, I consider myself lucky to have such kind of supportive people around me. That will bear the not so lovable-me and will accept my weakness. A friend who loved to be around even though they know I could get crazy in split seconds. That is Super-friend.