I WhatsApp a friend of mine and said "Ahmed, could you do me a favor? Would you please make me cry? Just listen and don't fucking calm me down. I just want to cry and I need someone to listen. Would you?"
I didn’t even blink and my mobile phone rings. On the other line is Ahmed “Hello, Maria, what’s up?! You ok?” Full of worries for his half-crazy friend he’d known since the year 2000. I said “Ahmed, I need to cry. Help me!”
I wanted to end the suppressed feelings. I need to let it out. I need to get over it. I am worried if I do not let it out I might get crazy. So I decided I have to cry it out. And I need somebody help me do that. And I have a perfect candidate. Ahmed, Oh Ahmed! I feel bad for this soul. But I am grateful I have this one person who could bare my not-very-cute way of crying.
The crying took few minutes.
On the process he asked me “What is making you cry?” “What is wrong?” “Please calm down.” “I am here I will listen, talk to me and stop crying.” “Maria, please don’t be like this, nothing and nobody deserves your tears!” “Come on, please stop!” He tried his best to calm me down. I disregard. I cry. I am crying loud. I am crying like a little kid. Ah! It was one hell of a good cry. The one I am dying to have.
And then I stopped and said “Ok, I am feeling better now. Whew! Thank you.” As if I just asked him to lift or reach something for me. He answered “Welcome! Your sob breaks my heart. I do not like to see or hear you cry. I am glad you feel better. Are you sure you feel better or you need more?” See, he thinks I need more. Damn it! But it was enough for me. I cried and that is enough.
You know sometimes you do not need a shoulder to cry on. You need someone who lets you cry and help you get over it so you could feel good afterwards. And yes, I consider myself lucky to have such kind of supportive people around me. That will bear the not so lovable-me and will accept my weakness. A friend who loved to be around even though they know I could get crazy in split seconds. That is Super-friend.