Whether you are with someone, looking for someone or just break up with someone. This note could probably give you a hint of how you are doing at the moment with “someone”.
Have you ever thought of writing down few of your ideal partner's characteristic? Be it physical (after all this is what first draw us to be attracted to that person, isn't it?), intellectual (oh! you won't know this perhaps after few conversations or beer?), emotional (well, let’s see now how many male and female will debate on this), spiritual (yep! this too) and last but not the least social (be it F2F or Media).
A few months ago, I have the pleasure of talking to a person who shared the secret. By the way he doesn’t know until this very moment that I am pleased I went out with him for lunch that day and heard about all this I called then “joke”.
Over lunch break he asked me if I am dating or with someone. This person has no idea. So yes, I answered “nope” and shared with him the most terrifying story I could tell in broad day light. He smiles, nod and once in a while comment on the horror story. I am cool with everything. The meal was so good plus I have already moved on so there is no use of getting too emotional over a terrifying story. Then while munching on his favorite Italian main course he mentioned something like “do you want to try something?” I looked at him with all astonishment and urgently said “No thanks! I am not ready for anything romantic. I don’t want to see nor date anyone at the moment”. He starts giggling and brushed his not so long hair and said “No silly. I am not going to ask you out for a date. Though, it would be my pleasure.” He was right. My brain thought “ok this guy is trying to hook up with you – be careful, always say no!” He then proceeds in a very gentleman way “Ok tell me what you like doing on your spare time aside Facebook, Twitter and Swimming?” My face turned red. I was so shy. It was an unsuspected occurrence that my thoughts mislead me; but of course I practiced being composed in the most demeaning situation and managed to say “I love to write. I read a lot of books. Sometimes I blog. I love to work on my Make-up skills – just practicing I don’t always have a model – so I do it by myself to myself.” At this point he’s almost done ravishing the loaded plate of pasta delivered few minutes ago and said “So basically, since you already love writing and reading this is easy” he said. Clasping his palms confirming that he has victoriously ate all the food serve and said “You just have to list down 100 Characteristic of your Ideal Partner” adding “You can start by writing down for example tall, dark and handsome”. In my mind I was like “peanuts”. I smile and nod looking at him directly so he knew I am paying attention while my mind carry me from “I cannot wait anymore to order that sweet platter of something I saw on the menu a while ago” to “whoa, what the heck is this guy talking about?!” He continued and said “this will help you find the right person or realize if you are actually seeing the right person; you know that prevention is better than cure, right?” It was too profound to comprehend (because I thought we were only talking about “relationship, dating, marriage” but the last phrase seems confusing to me since we aren’t on a diet or even health discussion) but I answered “yes”. Then he said “Maryam, today you may start writing down the characteristic you would want your partner to have. Physical. Intellectual. Emotional. Spiritual. Social. You do not need to show me or anyone what you have written. You write it, review it. Read it. Be satisfied about it. Even revise it. I am not saying you cannot go out on a date if you haven’t completed the list; of course you may – this will give you the chance to add more to the list, observe, and finally decide if the person you’ve meet has the characteristic you would want for a partner.” That was a task I thought “this guy must be kidding me” and wink while saying “yep, will do that ASAP”.
Well, lunch break was over and the days passed. If you're going to ask me if I did what he said. “YES I did”. Is it a 100? “Nope”. It is quite difficult. Some nights when I have my notes on and reading it I can’t seem to think anything else than what I have already written.
It appears to me at times that I do not know what I really wanted for a partner. I am about to turn 30 at that time for god sake. But I did not give up. Before parting ways I made sure with him that I did what he said and I am having a hard time reaching 10. He patted my back and said “you are doing the right thing girl; it will be a hundred, give yourself time, contemplate – do not be in a hurry, you have all the time in the world.”
Eventually, months passed and I am so glad I’ve reached 25. The number remained that way until recently. YES! I finally reached something between 40 and 50.
If you ask me if I am seeing “someone” at the moment. Yes I am. If he has the characteristic of what’s on my list? Yes, most of it. If you’re going to ask me why 50 not a 100; it is because I am still in the process of understanding what else I wanted. Since most of what I needed has been written down already. I too, would like to be of what is already on my list; of course if the other person has his own list; with the physic, intellect, emotional, social and spiritual preferences then that is something else. What I wanted is to be a better person than what I am now. I cannot beat anybody’s record. But, what I was trying to say is; we might have “wants” but I thought what we “need” is a priority. And no matter what the reason is; I think it is only rational that you are with your “someone” because you chose to be with him or her and that you are satisfied and justified every single day.
Here's an insight to what I have written:
Physical – taller than me, likes tattoos but not necessarily has it, has blue eyes and smiles often, he must be concerned over his physical appearance as well.
Intellect – can make me laugh even in the most intelligent conversation.
Emotional – doesn’t do drama, composed, always able to carry himself well in the shittiest situation.
Social – able to mingle with anyone at any given moment without passing harsh comments about the events or people.
Spiritual – he MUST be a Muslim.
What I have shared was a part of the list. Most of it is my personal preferences so I can’t share it with you. One thing is certain. When you do write the list please be true to whatever you want and need. Because this could be your check list when dating.